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I didn`t go to bed with a hot water bottle…….. it`s too hot here in my beachside villa in Barbuda. Anyway gotta go, my private jets waiting, i have to meet up with Angelina Jolie tomorrow morning to discuss me doing the motorbike stunts for her in Tombraider 3. I really didn`t mind doing the stunts for her in all the other films but when she recommended me for the Matrix as well it got a bit tiresome…. I really wish she`d learn to ride a bike herself!
Don`t ride faster than your guardian angel can fly!
I was wondering where my Jolie had gone. Cheers anyway, if your seeing her tomorrow it means Nicole Kidman can come around after all.
Prezzo that Clapton is a pain, your dead right, me and Ozzy were just calling him all sorts. Anyway got to go, Rossi is on the blower for riding tips (AGAIN>>>!)
Donate – Or Imperial Data will have you sorted!
Ive just picked up the 20007 Fireblade, Honda have asked me to test ride it coz they recon Rossi hasnt got the bottle i have to push it to its limits. Actually Its not too bad but you get a lot of vibration in the mirrors at 267mph just as well i dont have to worry about anybody behind me.
Paul
Dont forget to Donate !!!
I’ve just won a brand new Suxuki GSX1000RR, but I gave it away for nothing because the tank digs into my belly and the seat disappears up my arse and it doesn’t match my helmet
Be seen and be Safe!
won the lottery jackpot again 5 times in 5 weeks cant keep up with how much money ive got in the bank now if i win this week they can stuff it and i will give the rest of the money away because its costing me a fortune in battries for my calculater
Paul
Talk is cheap
Dont forget to Donate !!!
I’ve invented a replacement for all the cats eyes in the road, they’re called ‘Owl’ eyes as they can see in the dark and spin around and follow you, plus if you are going too fast they will hoot at you
Be seen and be Safe!
Way cool. Got to go my 200mph RD awaits me, I won the lottery a couple of times now, its OK.
RD = Race Developed
Whilst I was in hospital, Bradd Pitt came to visit me, he has bought me a top of the range sports bike from each major manufacturer as a get well pressie so it looks like I need to sell off my junk (the mini yacht, jetskis, all my yamahas) to make room for them all…..[
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LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, VODKA in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!!
Don’t forget the Suzuki, Gix, I’ll take it off yours hands if you like.[:o)]
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Diving now!… Diving now!Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat
on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying “booya”.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, “Bang!”
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse
every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on
their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more “humane”.
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.
Donut – I mean DONATE!
I agree Kat, I’ve seen him in one of his moods. Once he went to see an Eskimo in his igloo and he started crying because he could only kick straight!
He once went out to dinner with Bruce Lee, followed by a pub crawl finally finishing off in a 70’s disco. They got up to dance to ‘Staying Alive’ and accidently killed everyone!Be seen and be Safe!
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