How to Shower

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    How to Shower Like a Woman
    1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning
    2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see husband along the way, ignore juvenile jokes and run to bathroom.
    3. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out stomach
    so as to complain about how fat you’re getting.
    4. Turn on hot water only.
    5. Get in the shower, once you’ve found it through all the
    6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah,
    wide loofah, and pumice stone.
    7. Wash hair once with cucumber and lemon shampoo with 83
    added vitamins.
    8. Rinse hair. Condition your hair with cucumber and lemon
    conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair
    for fifteen minutes.
    9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
    until red and raw.
    10. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and
    Java Cake bodywash.
    11. Complain bitterly when you realize that your husband
    has once again been EATING your ginger nut and java cake
    body wash.
    12. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen
    minutes, as you must make sure that all the conditioner
    has come off).
    13. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you
    can’t be bothered.
    14. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and
    you get a rush of cold water.
    15. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
    16. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
    How to Shower Like a Man
    1. Sit on the edge of the bed and take off the underwear
    you’ve walking around the house in all morning. Leave them
    on the floor
    2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your wife
    along the way, flash her
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Pat your beer
    belly with affection as if it was a great achievement. Suck
    in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)
    4. Turn on the water.
    5. Check for pecs again. (Still no.)
    6. Get in the shower.
    7. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (You don’t use
    8. Spend 5 minutes soaping your body and rinse.
    9. Spend 15 minutes washing your crotch and surrounding
    10. Wash your rear end.
    11. Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner.
    12. Make a shampoo mohawk.
    13. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror, giggle
    14. Pee.
    15. Repeat #9, because it felt good.
    16. Rinse off and get out of the shower
    17. Pick up the towel and sniff it. If it smells okay, go
    ahead and dry off with it. If it doesn’t smell okay, holler
    to your wife to find you a clean one.
    18. Return to the bedroom wearing the towel, if you pass
    your wife, flash her.

    Diving now!… Diving now!

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