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“Are these your bikes” said the young officer, “i`ve just recorded you both as riding at speeds in excess of 90mph in a 30mph zone, Is there some sort of an emergency?” “Yes” said Gixer still drooling, “we were trying to retrieve our stolen chocolate!” “Hardly an emergency is it” sneered the officer. “Well” explained Speedy “We do a spot of erotic dancing at the local British Legion on a Friday night and without our chocolate the show can`t go on” Speedy smiled seductively at the officer and Gixer licked her lips at the thought of chocolate. “I`ll tell you what officer” said Speedy “If you can see your way to forgetting about this little speeding misdemeanour we`ll both give you a private showing of our erotic dance routine” ok said the officer unbuttoning his belt. Slowly the girls started to remove their clothes and sway their hips, as the officer sat mesmerised Speedy said “Quick Gix, grab his belt and…………..
Don`t ride faster than your guardian angel can fly!
…..”Tie him up!” (Phew! I’m a laaaadieeeee and that could have gone off in any direction LOL!) Gix tied the officer up in haste. “Men!” she rolled her eyes…”So easy to fool!” they chuckled. They grinned at one other as they climbed aboard their bikes…..
LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Vodka in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, what a ride!
and sat there for 10 mins filing their nails. “Quick” said Gix “remember our chocolate” they both grabbed their helmets, waved goodbye with 1 finger to the gullible policeman and sped off covering the policman in a cloud of dust. After several miles they spotted a chocolate wrapper (it was a cadburys twirl!) then they spotted another and another. “What a clown” said Gix “Thumpers stuffing his face and leading us straight to our chocolate supply” They followed the trail of wrappers and after 10.3456 miles they saw Thumper sitting on the roadside about to stuff a snickers bar into his mouth. Both girls jumped off their bikes and amid screams of fury they grabbed Thumper and………..
Don`t ride faster than your guardian angel can fly!
…….yanked the chocolate away before it reached his dribbling lips. “Ok girls,” he cried in suprise and dismay, “You got me! Fair cop but I just can’t resist the chocolate! You would never have caught me either if it wasn’t for this damned fuel problem with me bike!” Now he was angry, sad and frustrated all at once! He……….
LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Vodka in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, what a ride!
heard a musical melody sound.. from out of no where an iced-cream van stopped, the side door opened and there was Radar in a white overcoat… “hello ladies” he beamed.. can I offer you a….
To “ERR” is natural.. to really fowl things up needs a politician!!
…99 with a chocolate flake? “Chocolate flake!”, they screamed in unison. And with that they both left Thumper and dived through the window of the ice-cream van knocking all the ice-cream all over Radar who started to squeal in ice-cream delight, licking himself clean like the cat that got the cream. The girls ripped open the lids off the freezer and both dived in looking for the chocolate Coronetto’s and stuffing themselves with the 99 flakes. Radar got up off the floor of the van and closed the lid of the freezer on the girls and locked them shut, the girls did’nt notice whilst in their chocolate frenzy, but they felt a little colder and decided to………..
Be seen and be Safe!
….99 with double flake? Sorry not on my barge today but this area lacking in waterways I am afraid.” The girls greedily accepted the offer of frozen confectionery. Shovelling the delicious ice cream they had totally forgotten that Radar was meant to be in pursuit of the illusive Golden Pot Noodle. Far in the distance there was a loud clatter and…….
LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Vodka in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, what a ride!
quote:
Originally posted by Scouser…99 with a chocolate flake? “Chocolate flake!”, they screamed in unison. And with that they both left Thumper and dived through the window of the ice-cream van knocking all the ice-cream all over Radar who started to squeal in ice-cream delight, licking himself clean like the cat that got the cream. The girls ripped open the lids off the freezer and both dived in looking for the chocolate Coronetto’s and stuffing themselves with the 99 flakes. Radar got up off the floor of the van and closed the lid of the freezer on the girls and locked them shut, the girls did’nt notice whilst in their chocolate frenzy, but they felt a little colder and decided to………..
Be seen and be Safe!
Oh b****cks you beat me to it!
LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Vodka in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, what a ride!
….said Gixer to Speedy as they started to fight over the last flake. They wrestled, tossed and turned until eventually they were both spent, panting for breath. Meanwhile, Radar had caught up with Thumper who had just wheeled his bike into the fusion fuel station. Thumper re-fuelled the bike and Radar mounted the pillion. The bike was started and they both headed north to the last known location of Golden Wonder, the makers of pot noodle.
Be seen and be Safe!
Commonly known as Bedford.. so off they went leaving a cloud of dust hanging over the fuel station. It didnt take them long to join the M1 where…
To “ERR” is natural.. to really fowl things up needs a politician!!
they sped along the Queen’s highway. Then in their mirrors they spotted the beam from a blazing headlight, no it was two…three….four. Suddenly the air around them began to reverberate and a wall of sound hit them. The type of noise you don’t merely hear, but feel right in the very pit of your stomach. Thumper stamped on the TDR’s back brake hard, the pads dug into the disc and the Yam slewed sideways drunkenly. Radar followed suit. As one they snapped open their visors and the sight that greeted their widening eyes simply beggared belief.
Roaring towards them with Imperial Data as the spearhead aboard his GPz900R was the entire forum. This was no less than a true motorcycling army, coming to claim what was rightfully theirs, The Golden Pot Noodle.
Gixer, Hoolie, Diablo, Scouser, Toggs, Digger, Barmy, GSF, Pingu, Cookeye, Speedy and even Lex, they were all there. Bike after bike after bike, the formation stretched as far as the eye could see. Many bikes waved flags bearing their Avatars.
ID pulled as hard as the GPz bulging brake hoses would allow on his brakes and he squealed to a halt, pulling a neat stoppie at Thumper’s feet as he did so. Behind him the whole formation drew to a halt as one and everybody began to rev their engines in unison. The ground shook. The road was cleared now and the turf was theirs to command.
Then, just as suddenly all the engines fell silent, except for Thumper’s and Radar’s. All that could be heard now was the burbling 2-stoke idle of the pairs’ bikes.
ID lifted his visor;
“We thought you might need some help to go and reclaim what is truly ours!”
With that the entire forum fired up their engines and once more the air shook with the sound of biking power and might.
Radar and Thumper now KNEW what they MUST do and snapped their bikes into gear and flicked back in the direction of their destiny. They screamed off with the front wheels of both bikes clawing at the sky.
Behind then moved the entire forum, Digger, Wheelie, Wild One, Sidevalve, Towcrowe, and Prezzo. So many names, so many bikes. Even Kitty had finished tidying her garden to join the fleet and Deltic had left his class 2 DMU in the siding. This mission meant everything, to everybody! All were here on the quest, for a quest is what it truly is, the hunt for the Golden Pot Noodle!
For hour after long hour the forum roared through the night, nothing could stop us now. We moved as one, many bikes but a common cause and a kindred spirit. How could victory not be ours for the taking?
Day became night and headlights combined to show the forums path to the hallowed ground that held the target of their quest..
Once people called it the Millennium Dome, but after the government sold it for 50p to Golden Wonder the things changed and now it was the most scared site on earth: THE NOODLE DROME!It stood now at the end of M1 highway and was bathed in an alien like green light. The pylons that soared from it like pins from a huge concrete pin cushion clawed at the sky and each one housed dozens of searing, powerful searchlights whose beams criss-crossed the night, making a pattern to send even the most stone hearted person crazy with fear.
Roaring around the base of the Dome was an army of thousands of ‘Cagers’. These are crazy men in crazy battered wrecks of cars. They are defenders of the Dome. The cars are relics of an industrial age, before bikers ruled the world. The engines are huge exposed V8 monsters, topped with massive snarling supercharger intakes, snorting angrily and sucking away the very air we breathe to feed their hungry masters.
They were waiting for the forum….
Back on the highway Thumper brought the TDR to a halt with a long skid, laying a 100 metre darkie on the tarmac. The forum once again rolled to a stop just behind him. Kill switches were hit and silence fell. In the distance the hum of the waiting Cagers could be heard, carried on the gentle breeze that stroked them all.
Thumper pulled off his crash helmet to reveal and face streaked in oil but filled with purpose. He got off the TDR and walked over to the waiting, hushed forum that stretched before him…
“We may have our bikes, our freedom even.”
The forum hung on his every word….
“But…” he paused.
“WE DON’T HAVE OUR POT NOODLE!!”
“ARE YOU WITH ME?” he roared, his now almost God like in tone. At this moment everybody knew they had picked the wrong Pope!
In answer to his question every bike engine started and above storm clouds began to gather as lightening bolts streaked across the night sky in a seemingly drug induced haze. If you listened really hard I swear that Hendrix could be heard, playing riffs from beyond the grave. One way or another it was obvious that tonight history would be made…
Thumper jumped on the TDR wrenched the throttle to its stop and then plunged off the highway to towards the Drome, screaming like a man pocessed.
Radar was on his right and ID on his left and whole forum followed as one
Below the Cagers saw the mass of machinery approach and turned to meet them.
When Two Tribes go to War…
The two armies smashed into one another in sickening clash of steel, plastic, bone and flesh. The fight was on. All around now was noise, chaos, fear as Cager fought forum in desperate battle for ascendancy. To the victor, the spoils.
One by one they fell; Scouser, Katana, Gixerlicker, Mattzappa. They lay besides their twisted bikes. But nothing could stop the forum this night. Cagers lay strewn like discarded rag dolls around the base of the dome. Steam was rising from their wrecked cars, fluid draining away into the dirt like blood.
Ever closer the Forum fought to THE NOODLE DROME, but the price was high. Gixer lay by her shattered Suzuki, in her hand a conrod and piston, it had all been too much on the 29th day.
For hours the fight raged on, many heroes were made and died in one night. But when the final cager was slayed only ID survived, his GPz barely running. If only he had bought fresh petrol. Almost as if it were limping the sick GPz carried ID through the doors of the huge doom and there before him in the centre of the room was a huge marble pillar. On the top was the holy grail, THE GOLDEN POT NOODLE! A blue light picked it out, smoke from the battle had drifted inside and made strange, surreal patterns in the beam. ID stood transfixed for a moment and he knew it had all been worthwhile.
His blooded hand stretched out and took the GOLDEN POT NOODLE. The plastic of the carton felt good in his hand, right. He cupped it in both hands and then in horror the awful truth hit him, the blood drained from his face. He fell slowly on to one knee and then the other. The Pot Noddle fell from his grasp and rolled across the floor.
He had forgotten the kettle…
Donate – Or Imperial Data will have you sorted!Ahh. superb!!!!!!
Huge round of applause for all involved.. a masterpiece!
To “ERR” is natural.. to really fowl things up needs a politician!!
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