Proverbs – Alternative Version

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    1. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

    2. Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

    3. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

    4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

    6. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

    7. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

    8. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

    9. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

    10. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

    11. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

    12. Some one who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

    13. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never run out of material.

    Rebel with a cause!

    The roads are my race track!!


    If at first you don’t succeed then perhaps skydiving is not the sport for you.

    If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs then you obviously haven’t fully understood the seriousness of the situation



    For every action your wife has an equal and opposite criticism.

    If you keep your head when all around you lose thiers, then try landing your Helicopter in a less crowded area


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