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After her fifth child, Lucy decides she should have cosmetic surgery ‘down below’ to restore herself to her former youthful glory, because her genitals are dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth have taken its toll and she reckons that she’s reached her limit with five children, so wants to tidy things up with a nip here and a tuck there, so it looks like a piggy-bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
After the op she wakes from the anaestetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. ‘Who are these from?’ she asks the nurse. ‘They’re nice but I’m confused as to why I’ve received them.’
‘Well,’ says the nurse, ‘the first is from the surgeon – he says you were such a model patient that he wants to say thanks.’
‘Ahh, that’s really nice.’ says Lucy.
‘The second is from your husband. He’s delighted the operation was such a success that he cant wait to get you home, Apparently it’ll be the first time he’s touched the sides for years and he’s very exited about it!’
‘Brilliant!’ says Lucy, ‘And the third?’
‘That’s from Eric in the burns unit,’ the Nurse tells her. ‘He just wants to say thank you very much for his new ears.’
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