Nervous priest

[Gix]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the begining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, dont gulp.
2. There were 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There were 12 disciples, not10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T”.
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God”.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St Taffy’s.

Rebel with a cause!

The roads are my race track!!

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to do it.

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