New caravan Legislation

I know one or two forum members possess a caravan. You may find this useful….

From August 2005 a new driving licence class will be introduced, which is a test for people wishing to tow caravans. New modules include: –
a) High speed reversing round cones
b) Jumping a ravine (Oh No LUKE the bridge is out) with caravan in tow, and despite the axles and half the engine falling out carrying on at the same speed on the other side.
c) Towing a caravan in and out of a swamp
d) Zig zag driving at high speed with a trunk full of moonshine and Boss Hogg on your tail
e) The gentle art of the jackknife
f) Single-handedly, and without mechanical aid, pushing a half ton caravan up an incline
g) Righting a toppled caravan after a gust of wind has blown it over in the local trailer park
h) Two and a half hours on the municipal skid pan
I) Towing a caravan across a waterlogged field in a downpour with a front wheel drive car and only one plank of wood to stick under the wheels to aid traction, and a trained 16 stone Gorilla to Bump up and down. This is a timed event.
J) Unhitching a trailer loaded with 75 house bricks and an antique wrought Iron fire surround.
k) Digging a 2 x 4 x 3 foot trench to use as a latrine with a flimsy folding camping shovel in 45 minutes.
l) Unblocking a bunged up solid chemical toilet, bailing out the organic contents with the mother in law’s teacup and replacing the melted plastic parts to render the unit serviceable again. Then washing out the cup with saliva and replacing it back in the cupboard.
j) Removing 2kg of slugs from a caravan floor at 2am without resorting to cruelty, and disposing of them in an environmentally friendly manner.
k) Demonstrating skills in manufacturing ashtrays from old beer cans
l) Extra points awarded for a perfectly executed Eskimo roll. This would include the car and caravan going from self propelled forward motion on their own wheels, then ” Dukes of Hazard ” style driving at speed into a ramp on one side of the car, which would cause both the car and caravan to go briefly onto two wheels, then to tip over, go onto the roof and onto the other side and back to onto the wheels. The vehicle combination must be capable of still going forward, towing the caravan, but no points are lost if the caravan is somewhat smashed.
m) The last part of the test is crashing through a hay barn, sending chickens in all directions.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Vodka in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, what a ride!