Ronnie Barker

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies.

Ronnie Barker could say all this, keeping a straight face, (though god
knows how many takes) Ironically they never received one complaint. …..
Must have been the speed of delivery was too much for the whining herds !!!

Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms as you read;

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and
the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were
really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
wouldn’ t let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her
name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.

She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise,
there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly
the clock struck twelve.

“Mist all chucking frighty!!!” said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping
barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella’s door and the
sugly isters let him in.

Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. “Who’s
fust jarted??” asked the prandsome hince. “Blame that
fugly ucker over there!!” said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on
both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack
in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a
hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.

The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived
hers with a follen swanny.

RIP Bonnie Rarker 1929 – 2005

---

Look in the Forest if you want to find trees

---