If God was a woman…..

1. Sex would smell like chocolate.
2. Farts would smell like roses.
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh.
4. Babies would come from vending machines.
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection.
6. All women would have the same size breasts.
7. There would be no cellulite.
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE.
9. Men would be born with an “OFF” switch.
10. There would be no “Tittie Bars”….Male Revue would continue.
11. Every man’s paycheck would be made payable to his wife.
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii.
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle.
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed.
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife.
16. Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth.
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches.
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds.
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the f*nny and a kiss on the cheek.
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.

LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, VODKA in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!!