October 26, 2005 at 10:45 am #10657GixParticipant
Smart Arse Answer No5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat….she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”
Smart Arse Answer No4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No madam, they’re dead.”
Smart Arse Answer No3:
The policeman got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the policeman said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Arse Answer No2:
A lorry driver was driving along in his wagon.
A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.”
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The lorry driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel.”
AND NOW…FOR THE No1 SMART ARSE ANSWER SO FAR FOR THE YEAR 2005
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart arse guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class is reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says: “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
LOVE IS GIVING SOMEONE THE ABILITY TO DESTROY YOU, THEN TRUSTING THEM NOT TO.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, VODKA in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming…….WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!!
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