christmas party

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    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 5th December 2005

    RE: Christmas Party

    I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
    place on December 23rd, starting at noonin the private function room
    at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
    We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free to
    sing along.
    And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among
    employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over
    £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
    This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special
    announcement at the Party.

    Merry Christmas to you and your Family.


    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 6th December 2005

    RE: Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
    coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
    However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’.. The same policy
    applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be
    no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types
    of music for your enjoyment.

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,


    FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 7th December 2005

    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy
    to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
    reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!How am I
    supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no
    gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00
    is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.



    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 8th December 2005

    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
    the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
    during daylight hours.
    There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
    serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package
    everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.
    Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
    sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
    table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
    Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
    Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too.
    To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing
    allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food
    will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used
    in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the
    food first..
    There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
    cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!


    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All F****** Employees

    DATE: 9th December 2005

    RE: The ******** Holiday Party

    Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people !!! We’re going to keep
    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
    sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so
    quaintly put it, you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
    tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you
    slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing the scream right
    NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.

    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director

    DATE: 10th December 2005

    RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

    I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
    recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
    meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
    instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full


    life sucks get used to it



    Take it easy out there



    Look in the Forest if you want to find trees


    Good un![:D]

    Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggie until you can find a big stick!

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