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A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh

A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh
« on: November 22, 2012, 12:16:10 PM »
Use these at your own risk... I did  ;D ;D ;D


Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up next to a fat bird who was snoring and farting. At least I got home OK!!


The wife's back on the warpath again, she was up for making a home movie last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.


My wife accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. Her next shit could spell disaster.


My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off first.


I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.


After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough….once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought …. sod it …. soldier on!


I woke up this morning at 8.00 am and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered that Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.


Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, took me 5 hours to get her off the big wheel.




Re: A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2012, 07:29:49 PM »
My neighbour complained about the noise my wife makes when having sex, so I don't let her go over there any more!


I asked my wife why she doesn't cuddle me after she orgasms, she said - because you're never there!

Re: A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2012, 01:45:51 PM »
hahaha :D

Scouser

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Re: A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2014, 01:55:10 PM »
My wife had one of her nipples pierced trying to re-live her youth, but she had to take it out as it kept catching it with her toe! :P

Radar

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Re: A few selected wife jokes that made me laugh
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2019, 12:01:39 AM »
"My wife accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. Her next shit could spell disaster."

I did actually lol ;D